Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
