Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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