you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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