cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
