If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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