I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
