Just fell off a train. Bad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
