i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The uberlube is also flammable
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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