There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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