you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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