I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
