Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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