Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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