yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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