just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
