Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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