Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
