Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
