Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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