I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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