bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
