Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
