yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
