whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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