at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
