go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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