Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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