I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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