fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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