Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
