No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
