there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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