Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
