I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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