I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
