So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
