So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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