I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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