Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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