Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
