Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
