Michael Bay diarrhea
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
