I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
