Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
