I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
