My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
