just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
