just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
