When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
