singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
